Fairy Tale
by Kelly the Vampire Witch
Summary: Fairy Tales will never be the same once Buffy gets involved
1. Default Chapter

Once upon a time, there was a father named Giles, who had three lovely daughters, Buffy, Willow, and Cordelia. Giles was an export dealer from Britain and gave his daughters anything their hearts desired stakes, crossbows, spell books, mall shopping sprees, nothing was too much.  
  
Then one day a terrible thing happened. Giles' ship called the 'Watcher's Council' went down in Hurricane Faith. Poor and destitute the family sold their house and possessions to live in the country. Buffy was happy. She could whittle new stakes, hunt vampires in the forest, and protect her family from demons. Willow and Cordelia however were miserable. Willow had no spell books to use, no candles to light, and worst of all her boyfriend Oz had stayed in town with his band 'Dingoes ate my Baby'. Cordelia had no mirrors and no pretty clothes, she still looked hot, but now no one cared.  
  
Rumors of the 'Watcher's Council' being safe, inspired Giles to leave his daughters, to go in search of a new fortune. Before he left, he asked each girl what she wanted. Willow wanted a spell book and Cordelia wanted a mirror, but Buffy asked for a rose. She had been through such destruction in her life that she wanted one purely beautiful thing.  
  
Several months later, Giles was coming home poorer than he had left. He was weary from hard travel and at sunset came upon a dark castle. He knocked on the door and went in. He fell asleep exhausted on the couch in the hallway. When he woke up, Giles was surprised to find a warm blanket over him and a soft pillow under his head. After finding breakfast in the dining room, He decided to leave. When he was leaving he front door he noticed a rose bush. He thought, "Well at least Buffy can have her gift." When he picked the rose, he heard a noise, turned around, and saw a gun pointed at his face. "This is a high security military instillation. We cannot let you leave." "Oh please, my daughters are all alone. I just came because I was so tired." "Very well, you can leave for three days. We will have to wire you to make sure you do not reveal our secrets to anyone. After the three days, you must stay here forever. If you do not come back, the wire will kill you." "Thank you. Mr. …" "Just call me Riley."  
  
"Daughters, I have to leave forever, but I had to say goodbye. Here Buffy, I found a rose." "Oh Father, why must you leave?" "I cannot tell you that." "Well then I am going with you." "No, you cannot." "I am going unless you tell me why you are going. I am not missing any action." "Very well, you may come." "Thanks."  
  
"Wow, this is a really big place. Hey look, this computer tells you where all the different Big Bads are kept. Oh, they have a collection of Vampires. Can we go see them?" "Okay" "Oh, I like these two. Mmm, according to this their names are Angel and Spike. Apparently, they are from the same bloodline as the Master. I remember killing the Master." "I have always worried about your obsession with Vampires." "Oh, come on, I kill most of them. It's just sometimes I get bored and I like to screw them."  
  
So, Buffy released Angel and Spike. They disconnected Giles' wire, and they returned home, where Buffy decided to keep Spike, Angel fell for Cordelia, Oz finally got bored of doing Austin Powers Movies and returned to Willow, Giles had no one, and they all lived semi-happily ever after. 


	2. Sleeping Buffy

Sleeping Buffy  
  
No, I don't own BtVS. I'd be rich and not taking Spanish. Yes, the world is imperfect.  
  
What Shadowfax asks for Shadowfax gets.  
  
  
  
Once Upon a Time there a beautiful maid named Buffy who was put under an evil witches' curse. (Damn Willow) Buffy would fall asleep on her seventeenth birthday after having sex with Angel. But, this was no ordinary sleep, this was one of those special a guy-you-have-never-seen-before-will- wake-you-up-with-a-kiss sleeps. Many guys tried waking her up cause let's face it Buffy is hot and guys are sick. One day a stranger came to try. Actually he was there to kill her since he'd already killed two sleeping princess, but when he saw Buffy he fell in love. His kiss awoken her and all rejoiced except Xander who has always had a thing for Buffy and had tried four times a day to wake her for six years. Yeah that's a lot of kissing to try and forget. Buffy didn't care though, because she loves Spike and they will be together forever when he turns her. Of yeah and lived Happily Ever After. 


	3. Buffy and the Three Boys

I promise I'll make some better ones, but this one just got stuck in my head last night.  
  
  
  
Once upon a time, there was a girl named goldilocks, I mean Buffy, and she stumbled upon the town of three bears, I mean boys. The first boy was named Angel. His mansion was too big, he was too strong, and too self involved. The second boy was Riley. His dorm room was too small, plus it was bugged and monitored, he was too weak, and too involved in Buffy. Finally, the third boy Spike was just right. His crypt was nice and cozy, he gentle and rough at the same time, and was concerned about both of their welfares. So Buffy decided to stay with Spike and they lived happily ever after. 


	4. Good Faith

My Ugly Duckling Parody  
  
Good Faith  
  
Once Upon a Time, there was a slayer named Faith who was out of step with all the other Scoobies and got left out of all the cool plots until she realized she wasn't supposed to be a Scooby she was supposed to be a Big Bad. So, she was the Bigest Badest Bad, except for Angelus. And the moral of the story is if you don't fit in try to kill everyone and you will live happily ever after. 


	5. Hansel and Gretel

Hansel and Gretel  
  
Once upon a time, the two little children from Gingerbread decided to go for a walk in the woods leaving a trail of breadcrumbs. They wound up back in Sunnydale and Willow and Amy tortured the little kids because they tried to have their mothers burn them at the stake. Buffy stopped them and the kids were feed to a vampire nest because death is always more humane than torture and she was almost burned too. The Scoobies and the Vampires all lived happily ever after. 


	6. The Brave Little Spike

Once Upon a Time, there was a chipped vampire named Spike claimed he could stake three vampires with one blow of his stake. No one believed him until on night he and Buffy we on patrol and she actually saw him do it. "Whoa, Three with one Blow. Where have I heard that before?" "I believe that would be the story of the brave little tailor."  
  
"Oh yeah and doesn't it end where no one believes that the tailor can defeat the three giants and when he does he wins the princess' hand in marriage." "Yeah so now that I've killed the vampires can we go back to my crypt so I can live happily ever after with the princess." "Oh all right since it's your story." 


	7. The Librarians New Clothes

Okay this is for all those insane Giles Droolers at Sunnydale Slayers!  
  
  
  
The Librarians New Clothes  
  
One day Giles decided he was tired of tweed. Yes that's right he was going to give up tweed. But he needed new clothes. So being stupid Xander and Oz told him they had made him a whole new wardrobe that only vampires could see. So as you all know he came to school the next day naked and Willow blushing and turning twenty shades of red told him he was naked. He found an extra tweed suit in his office and chased Xander and Oz around campus while Buffy, Willow, and Cordelia fell into fits of laughter. And I guess they kind of lived happily ever after. 


	8. Xander and the Beanstalk

Once Upon a Time, Xander climbed a beanstalk. Now I'm not sure how a beanstalk got to Sunnydale or why Xander decided to check it out alone, but that's the plot so deal with it. Anyway, Xander gets to the top if the beanstalk and finds out that it's Initiative Headquarters so he steals a bunch of weapons and other cool toys and climbs back down. Now of course, Riley has seen all this and follows Xander down. But what Riley didn't know is Willow was at the bottom of the beanstalk holding the ax she held in BBB, and she chopped down the beanstalk after Xander got down safely and Riley was killed in the fall and I know we will all live happily ever after knowing that. 


	9. The Initiativeman

Once upon a time, there was an annoying guy named Riley who called himself the Initiativeman. He ran to Willow and said "Please help me become Buffy's permanent love interest" and Willow told him "Try, try as hard as you can you can't keep Buffy you're the Initiativeman. You'll screw Faith in Buffy's body, let vamp tramps suck your blood, and no matter what you will always leave, because no one likes the Initiativeman." So, Riley went to Giles, Xander, Oz, and they all told him the same thing. So, one day he went to Spike for a final opinion on the whole everyone hating his guts issue and Spike said "Of course I'll help you. See the trick isn't getting with Buffy, it's attracting the audience and I know just how to do that. I will make it so everyone always remembers you." So Spike took him out back of the crypt and said, "Okay Rule One, people like strong guys. That's why Angel and I are popular." "Be strong." "Two, show that strength in kickass action sequences." "Fight sequences." "Three, die a heroes death" "Wait a heroes death, but then I'm gone." "And that will make people remember you" Spike said as he broke Riley's neck and all audience members lived happily ever after. 


	10. The Three Little Scoobies

Yes I know Spike has access to Giles's and Xander's Houses. This is not real. It is a college girl bored on a Monday night, but couldn't sleep because of Angel. All hail Joss and his characters.  
  
  
  
Once upon a time Spike knocked on Willow's door.  
  
"Invite me in or I'll kill your fish."  
  
"Sorry Angel already did that"  
  
Spike knocked on Xander's door.  
  
"Invite me in or I'll punch you."  
  
"Angel's way ahead of you pal"  
  
Spike knocked on Giles's door.  
  
"Invite me in or I'll torture you."  
  
"You do remember that Angelus has already tortured me."  
  
Spike opened Buffy's door.  
  
"I can't even threaten them anymore. Angel done everything to hurt them already."  
  
"Oh I can think of one thing you could say to hurt them."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Tell them about us."  
  
"Then what pet?"  
  
"Then we live happily ever after of course." 


	11. Bufunzel

Once there was a princess named Buffy who had very nice shiny long blonde hair. Then one day Prince Spike told her how much he loved it and she chopped it all off to spite him, which was really stupid because so many people loved her long hair, but since she was a beautiful princess everyone grew to love her short hair and the kingdom still lived happily ever after. 


	12. Little Red Riding Buffy

Okay I really didn't want to resort to this story but I haven't written a fairy tale in awhile and since I don't want to lose my audience. Here goes. Think, "Fear Itself"  
  
  
  
Little Red Riding Buffy was going to a frat part with a basket full of weapons when she met up with a big bad vampire named Spike. (Duh)  
  
"So little girl where are you going with your basket of weapons?"  
  
"I'm going to a frat party where a fear demon will make us all live out our worst fears."  
  
"Wouldn't you rather just go back to my crypt?"  
  
"Okay, but wait a minute aren't you supposed to eat my sick grandmother?"  
  
"Your grandmother has never been in a story line and it's over a year before your mom will die of a brain tumor."  
  
"Oh right, oh well that sums up those inconsistencies nicely. I guess we just go lively happily ever after."  
  
"Right and if Riley comes in with an ax pretending to be a woodcutter there to save you. I say we kill him."  
  
"Of course. That goes without saying." 


	13. Anya and the Pea-sized Camera

Once a lowly slut ho named Anya wandered into a beautiful kingdom. Now the controller of the kingdom Queen Buffy was tolerant of Anya and her passes at Giles and engagement to Xander but when she caught her with King Spike in a bed with a pea sized camera pointed at it. Anya was banished from the kingdom and executed. Queen Buffy was terribly upset but King Spike told her how all of it was Anya's fault and she forgave him because no matter what Queen Buffy and King Spike will live happily ever after. 


	14. Cinderdawn

Cinderdawn was always forced to stay at home and never have any fun, because her mother had died leaving her at the mercy of her two evil sisters Buffy and Willow. So what chose did she have but to whine and steal. Then one day, Willow went crazy and Buffy needed Cinderdawn's help. Cinderdawn was finally accepted as an equal and she lived happily ever after. For who needs a ball and a prince, when Buffy's going to leave and you will become the star of the show. 


	15. Wolf Prince

There was a prince named Oz, who was bitten by his cousin and turned into a wolf. Now Oz would remain a wolf until he was kissed by a beautiful maiden. He thought it was hopeless; no maiden would kiss a wolf. So one full moon he was just hanging out howling at the moon when Willow came and kissed him. Now Oz is in a touring band called 'Dingoes ate my Baby' and Willow is his favorite groupie. 


	16. Cordelia White

Cordelia White was so beautiful and so fair that Queen Buffy was afraid that Cordelia White was prettier then her. So she banished Cordelia White to a spinoff show, which was good for Cordelia White because finally she was the most beautiful woman on the set. She just wished she could get rid of all the creepy little men that think she should cook and clean for them. (As if Queen C would ever stoop that low.) Of course, the part about Angel waking her with a kiss is nice. 


	17. Cordelia White and Willow Red

There once were two sisters named Cordelia White and Willow Red. They were both beautiful and kind. One cold winters night a bear came to their door and the sisters invited him in, fed him by the fire where he comfortable spent the night listening to their stories. The next day the sisters were out gathering wood for the fire when they came across a little dwarf named Snyder. Snyder had gotten what little hair he had caught in a fishing rod. He promised them all his gold if they would set him free. The sisters agreed, but the only way to free him was to cut off the hair. Snyder was very upset, but since he had made a promise, he had to keep it. Little did the three of them know that the bear they had saved and a wolf were following them to the gold. When they got to the gold the bear and the wolf attacked Snyder. After Snyder was killed, the bear turned into Prince Angel and the wolf turned into Prince Oz. The Princes' explained how Snyder had stolen the family gold and put a spell on them. They couldn't kill Snyder and release themselves from the curse until they had found the gold and since Cordelia White and Willow Red had been so kind and helpful would they please come back to the palace and marry them. The sisters agreed for they had fallen in love with the princes. 


	18. Rumpelsnyder

Once upon a time, there was an evil Prince named Angelus. Now Angelus locked a beautiful maiden named Buffy in his dungeon with straw as golden as the color of her hair. He ordered her to turn the straw into stakes. Buffy was so upset she started to cry for there was no way she could turn straw into stakes. Suddenly a weird little man stood in front of her. "If I turn all the straw into stakes you must promise me your first born child," he sneered. Buffy was so desperate that she agreed. It wasn't like she ever planned to have kids anyway. When Angelus came back the next day he saw all the stakes and granted Buffy her freedom. Many years later, Buffy fell in love with a passionate prince who was controlled by his heart. His name was Spike and he and Buffy were very happy. They were even happier when Buffy found out they were going to have a daughter. Buffy was humming in her rocking chair sewing for the new baby when the same strange man that had helped her all those years ago appear demanding the baby unless she could guess his name. Buffy and Spike looked in all of Giles's books, beat up Wiley, but nothing could help them find out his name. Buffy was patrolling a graveyard when she heard a screeching voice singing very badly. "Oh I am Rumpelsnyder, oh I am Rumpelsnyder, oh I am Rumpelsnyder, which Buffy will never guess." So the next day, Buffy said his name and Rumpelsnyder was eaten by a giant snake, which isn't really important, but it's the only factual thing in this story. 


	19. King Care Fang

Once Upon a Time there was a snobby Princess named Cordelia. She was picky about, clothes, makeup, hair, and of course shoes, but the thing she was pickiest about was guys. There was no Prince in the entire Kingdom of Sunnydale that was good enough for her. Her least favorite was an older King named Liam that she had nicknamed King Care Fang. Finally after Cordelia's family lost all their money to tax evasion, Cordelia's Father was so angry with her that he told her he would give her to the next man who asked for her hand in marriage. The next night a strange detective named Angel from the Kingdom of Los Angeles came to ask for Cordelia's hand in marriage. So Cordelia was moved to a strange Kingdom where she was forced to use a computer, dismember demons, and scrub demon blood and guts out of clothes and furniture all for a disagreeable and unpleasant husband. One day she was working undercover at a party for King Liam when Angel came up and dragged her out onto the dance floor. She was embarrassed because she hadn't had time to fix her makeup and she was in an awful outfit. Yet she had grown to love Angel so she soon rested her head on his shoulder for a slow dance. "Cordelia, I have a surprise for you." "Yeah Angel." "I'm actually King Liam and this is our anniversary party." "Then I had better get a better wedding ring." Queen C laughed as she kissed her husband.


End file.
